did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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