well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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