he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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