Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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