Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
