no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do herpes really smell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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