i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
