My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
