can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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