Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
