omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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