Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
