Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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