we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
