when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
