Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Two words: nipple clamps
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