Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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