It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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