her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
