i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
