I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
