I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
