trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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