He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
