I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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