if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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