could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hippo gnu deer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
