her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
