I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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