I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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