i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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