The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
