capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
