The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
