He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
