when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
