They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
