All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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