the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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