Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
