The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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