I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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