my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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