I'm going to jail i love you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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