Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
