Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
