Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
