Slut skills are useful in every country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I party with great urgency now.
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