I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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