Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
