exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
