Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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