you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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