is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Text me some of your sweat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
