i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I miss vodka workout Fridays
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
