she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
