i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
