Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
