I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize