Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
