Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
