yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
