No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
