Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
