Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
