were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
