porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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