We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
