What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
