I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
