Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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