her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize